I dated Kameron Walton almost 20 years ago, back in college. Before anyone wants to call me a liar I have the photos to prove it. We both went to Columbia. He was 19 when we started dating and I was a bit older than him. I went back to college in order to work on my Masters degree and that's where we met. On the outside he was sort of every gay man's dream. Stupidly handsome, charismatic, clever and very sarcastically funny. He was fun to be around. We were together for about a year and a half, give or take a month or two. Despite our age difference I was pretty crazy about him from the start. Even if it took me over a month to even get him in bed. I kid you not he made me go and take an STD test before we did anything. That was just the start of it all.

Now, I'm not looking to bad mouth him or to make him look bad, I'm simply telling my story and the truth that comes along with said story. At times I felt like I was dating two different people. Which is funny because whenever I see him on TV or in movies now, not much has changed. At least on that front, I don't think. He was never shy about who he was. He was openly gay and didn't deny it, but he didn't scream it to the world either. It just wasn't a secret. Something that I always found so strange about him though was his lack of affection. Especially any form of PDA. We never held hands, not once. I would try and he'd pull his hand away. He said he didn't like it and hated how sweaty it made your hand after five minutes or something like that. He also didn't enjoy cuddling. He was very about his own space and his own spot. We never spent much time at his apartment but when I did go over there it was so put together. Like scarily put together. Which goes with his OCD, which lead to his anxiety, which pretty much EVERYTHING lead to his anxiety.

I don't think much about his psychological issues are really known to the public, so I almost feel bad revealing this. He isn't all sunshine and rainbows though like he seems. Through our entire relationship he had a back and forth thing with anti-depressants. He was also on something else but I never saw what. Which goes back to the feeling like I was dating two different people. He would fall into these wild depressions were he would not want to leave his apartment or even be around me. He was extremely neurotic at times. Most times. I know that he was in therapy at least a couple of times a week. I'm not really sure what the root of it all was but he said it was just something in his head and he couldn't control it. He was also extremely embarrassed about it and would rarely talk about it. He would just tell me that he was in one of his moods and to leave him alone. Which made it really hard to be with him at times. But Kameron is just, he's addicting? For lack of a better term. You want to be around him, you want to talk to him. He's kind of like a beautiful mess. A crazy/beautiful sort of thing. Back to his anxiety. It was the weirdest thing. He'd go into this rambling tangents about stress and what was bothering him and what he was going to do after college. He wanted to be an actor, that was his goal. Which he would think about and become depressed about. We had the strangest fights that 9 times out of 10 were his own doing. He would just pick things to argue about for the sake of arguing. If he felt any sort of anxiety towards something, it was a fight. It was like his way of coping with things outside of Xanax. He had trouble sleeping sometimes too. He didn't go into details about why but normally would show up at my place at like 3AM without calling.

Kameron was a very hot and cold person. When things were good, they were good but when they were bad they were pretty terrible. At times he was so impossible to be around because he wasn't himself. I understand it's a mental illness but it's also hard to deal with. He was cocky to overcompensate for how insecure he was. He never accused me of cheating though. I think that was the one thing he was actually certain about. Maybe or maybe he's just a really good spy. Towards the end of our relationship I told him that I wanted us to move in together, to take a step forward. He looked at me like a terrified cat or something. Like I'd told him I was going to murder him. I've never heard a person say no so many times and then kick me out of their apartment. That isn't a normal reaction if you ask me. I told him that I loved him but I can't think of a time he really said it back. For a while I just thought he didn't know how to grasp legitimate feelings. He finally broke up with me a few months later. This time for good. He told me he couldn't do this anymore and needed to be alone. That he needed to figure himself out and do his own thing. We kept in touch through the rest of college and even a bit through the beginning of his acting career.

College was a rough time for him. Not so much with his studies but mentally. I just hope that now he's gotten a grasp on himself. He seems to be doing well and I'm a fan of his work. It's crazy because I didn't think he'd actually become an actor.